I want to share with you all a wonderful new channelled entity named Latrinis as channelled by Anita Gimmic.
Latrinis is from the 5th Dimension. Not the band that did Aquarius and Up, Up and Away, but the home of Mr. Mxyzptlk, the imp who acted as thorn-in-the-side to Superman.
Latrinis explains why they chose to communicate with us, "Well, you see, in your vibrational Universe, where no one can claim superiority over anyone else, we detected an exceptionally bright light. Intrigued, we followed this light to it's source and found one, Mimi Bobeck. We have come to communicate with Mimi and help her in her quest to feel superior to everyone else. We have since discovered that the source of her light was not her clear Soul, but the pounds of eye-shadow she applies on a daily basis. But, hey, even beings from the Higher Realms can make mistakes, what makes you think you're so superior...."
Tapes by Latrinis:
Latrinis accepts suggestions for future tapes. Any ideas?
Cheers, Ted
Hi All,
Due to the overwhelming response generated by the first series of tapes, and because Mimi wants a new car, Latrinis has released the following tapes:
The fuschia label tapes are 24.95 and the teal label tapes are 29.95. All tapes are the highest quality rejects salvaged from Memorex dumpsters recorded using the latest recording technology available from the People's Republic of China.
Send check or money order to:
Concept:Syphilis
666 Scammers Drive
East Podunk, NJ 00000
Cheers, Ted
Well, well, well, it's a playuzure and a ploy to be manipulating you this evening. The playuzure increases every time you write a check.
Many have asked him why he refers to himself in the third person. It is because they are detached. And because they don't want to be held accountable for their actions.
Are they male or female? Well, you see they are not actually male or female. They are a hermaphradite. In the vibratory structure of the fifth dimension, one cannot get enough by having only one organ of sensuous pleasure. All of their chakras are attuned to sexuality. So actually they are septaphadites - seven instruments of genitalia, if you will. The better to screw you with.
As they've said many times, they will take your money and your power forever and a day.
Just imagine a golden dollar sign - there in the corner of your safe. Not the place where you feel safe - the safe where your money is stored. Let it go. Set yourself free. Send in your dollars. They will always be there to take them.
They know that on occasion you will have an original thought. They are aware of how terrifying original thoughts can be and that is why they will be happy to supplant your original thoughts with horseshit. They have long moved beyond the need or temptation to have original thoughts, and therefore, they can help you dispense with yours.
They have been asked, "Why now?", "Why us?", "What's love got to do with it?". Well, you see, you are in danger of becoming too powerful, too independent. What with the Declaration of Independence and the Internet allowing people to communicate more than ever before, they felt that all this freedom needed to be addressed. That's why they are offering Free Dumb (only it's not free). Most of you are so stupid you think that freedom means that you can live your own life by your own principles. Not at all. It means you are Free to be Dumb. So they are here to dumb you down. But not for free. Surely you're not so fricken stupid as to think they would do it for free(?) Not when Mimi spends $500 a day on eyeshadow alone.
Anyway, that's all you get for now. Don't forget they will be there anytime you visualize a golden dollar sign - but only if Mimi OKs it.
With Lava and Peas...
Hi All,
Because your Hyper-Selves have asked, and because Mimi wants another wing on her house, Latrinis has released a new series of tapes:
Cheers, Ted
Well, well, well. sigh! It is a playuzure and a hoot to be condescending to you once again. sigh! Yes, even from their [Editor's note: Latrinis refers to themselves in the third-person] lofty realms, far beyond your puny comprehayension, they deign to talk dowun to you. sigh! How fortunate you are to have such a loving mayaster. wheeeezze! They love you so much, Dear one. whimper! sigh! aaahhh!
The close of Cosmic Fool can be seen with sadness. It can be seen as failure. But that does not have to be. You see, the Cosmic Fool will always exist in your timeless, inferior universe. If you're too ig'nant to perceive it, then you are but a Damn Fool. The Lite Brains will continue to dance their dance. The FOLs will continue to dance their dance. All is well in the Universe, so there is no need to change, no need to think, no need to feel, no need to act, except to write checks. ("Cheques" for those too primitive to accept the American improvements in the language)
What a long, strange trip it's been! You've finally learned to tie your shoes. In doing so, you have set the morphogenic precedent so that those even dumber than you may one day learn to tie their shoes. You've manifested parking spaces and green lights. But those in the Confucius Reality will never know it was you who saved the world. Not to worry - you can still feel superior, knowing that every heroic deed attributed to another was really your courageous visualization and over-spending on crystals.
Mimi, the one they came to touch, impetuously decided to exit her body by drinking too much Thunderbird, smoking too many menthol cigarettes, and attempting intercourse with the vacuum cleaner. The medical examiner was not able to detect any cause of death. They claimed they did, but who are you going to believe - an unbiased scientist or an alleged channeled entity with no apparent sense of discrimination? With Mimi's "death" (They use quotes because she couldn't die like the rest of you losers, being that she was an avatar) comes the Advent of the New Deception. This is a period of twelve years where you will hand over even more of your hard-earned cash to pie-in-the-sky misfits like Latrinis. After these twelve years, you will be broke, out of shape, lonely and smug. They will tell you that you have succeeded, that you are a wonderful map-maker. And you'll buy more tapes. This prediction will surpass any made by their nemesis, Lazaris.
Speaking of Lazaris, can you believe the crap this dude puts out? Home Boy wants you to believe that he can predict stuff, but he didn't know an earthquake was coming in L.A. while he was there in JockItch's body! Did he say anything about Sept 11 on the 2001 tape? Then there's all this nonsense about Orion experimentation. Latrinis can't believe anyone would fall for this. But then, if you can't even tie you own shoes...
Katie and Ted are the most spiritual people on the planet. If they don't appear that way to you, it's because you're in negative egg roll. Latrinis has spoken about Negative Egg Roll on the Flatulence tapes. Flatulence thrives on negative egg rolls. Visualize your egg roll and ask it what it wants from you. If it tells you it wants duck sauce, know that that is your martyrhood talking. Bring your Higher Shelf with you - the shelf where you keep the Chinese mustard. Douse the egg roll with the mustard until it succumbs. Then you'll know how cool Katie and Ted really are.
With Lard... and Pears,
Latrinis
Dear One,
Well, well, well... (sigh, wheeze) it is a playuzure and a hoot to reject your applicayushun for employment. You see (snort, ahh!) that we have detected that, as it were, in your particular regard, you are in - how shall we say - negative ego. Now the Consensus may think you are not... but the Consensus is a bunch of assholes.
You see, the vibrayushunal structure of your particular - how shall we say - personality defects (sniffle, ahh yeah, that's the spot...) in as much as the flatulence of the pejorative, non-localized conglomeration of synapses within your cerebral cortex - well, let's just say you're too fucked up.
Many have applied for employment with Concept:Sycophant, to be in the proximity of the great Mimi, to have the opportunity to donate their labors to the profitable organizayushun, and to lord it over others who are less evolved. We see this as a noble goal. Unfortunately, you have demonstrated far too much original thought. You see, the ego, in that particular regard, such as it is, believes that you have the right to think for yourself. We have offered to do your thinking for you forever and a day. But do you let us? No, not you - you're too spayushal, you think you're so damned smart. Let's see if you can predict violence in the Middle East or that an earthquayuk will occur somewhere in the Pacific Rim. Let's see if you can make simple concepts sound too profound for the ig'nant masses to to comprehayund. (wheeze, grunt)
Sorry, Dear One, but people with active grey cells are a dime a dozen. Concept:Sycophant needs drones. Do the Ending Creative Thought meditayushun every day for the next 6 months and we may re-consider your applicayushun.
With Lard and Peons,
Latrinis
P.S. We no longer speak of ourselves in the third person. We found that it is too confusing for you low-life mortals. So we will take a cue from our nemesis, Lazaris, and speak of ourselves in the plural. It has a much more condescending tone to it, yes?
Dear Ones (Micki and Chuck),
YOU DARE TO ADDRESS THE GREAT WIZARD OF SCAMS?... Oh, sorry, we forgot which role we were playing. (sniff, chortle)
Right... It is a playuzure - etc. - you know the drill.
Micki, you said: "I have been called a 'smartass' more than a few times in my life".
That's good. You need a smart ass to overcome the tyranny of flatulence. We spoke of that on the Ending Flatulence: the Adult Years tape. We're glad someone was listening.
Chuck, you said:"well, I did try hard, doesn't that count?" Yeah, that counts if you're a martyr. We don't cotton to martyrs in these here realms. (grunt, wheeze, ahh Don't stop now!)
Chuck said: "This is my reality and I am in charge so, Latrinis, if you say no you have misled me" We think you got us confused with that asshole, Lazaris. It's not your reality - it's Mimi's. The Quayestion you need to ask yourself is, do you feel lucky? Well, do you, punk?
Micki said: "I wonder if anyone touched the hem of Mimi's caftan would they be 'heeled'?" Well, in that sensing, in a manner of speaking, as it were, within your particular vibrayushunal vortices, behind the fact that the moribund effusion of sacrosanct redundancy is - how shall we say - putrid... No. Mimi cannot heal your sorry ass. (ahh, A little higher - yeah, that's it. You really got us now - you got us so we don't know what we're doing - you really got us -- ahem. excuse us. What were we saying? Oh yeah - Mimi cannot heal you. You are the power - you and a $10,000 crystal blessed by Mimi.
With Lice and grease...
Well well well, Dear Mimi - uh, we mean Micki...
It is a playuzure and all that stuff to be communicayuting with you and your puny world. (snort, ahh).
You said, in a whiny, martyry voice, "I haaaave worrrked this tape Latriinnnis but it isn't working for mmeeeeeeee."
Yes, many have worked with this tape in that particular regard (that gets annoying, doesn't it?) and failed miserably. Why, you awsk. (That was a typo but we like it) Well, it's not because you're bad or wrong - it's because you is ig'nant. (ahh, now we truly mayucking love)
You see - in your vibrayushunal mayutrix, which you call a reality, the illusion of gas seems real - it seems overwhelming. But if you would just releauss your attachment to the gasses, they would simply vaporize. Oh wait - vapor is the problem, yes? They would - how should we say - de-materialize. Yeah, that's it - they de-materialize.
It is the Consensus which gives so much power to gas - they fight wars over it, they wait in long lines to purchayuss it. When you can accept that gas is not real, then you can be free of it. That's right - gas is not real, but we are. If you believe that, we have a bridge to sell you...
You want a magik techneeuck to de-gas the beans? Crystals can work very nicely in that regard, but they must be inserted in a place which can be most uncomfortable. We would recommend instead that you ... GET OUT OF EGO
You see, gas is a base chakra issue. You must lift your consciousness out of your rectum, in that sensing.
Your crystal, Billy Bob, is not from Atlantis or Lemuria. It is from Bufort, Alabama. It was owned by Jesse John Wilcox, who was, in that particular sensing, his own Grandpa. You see, his daughter married his father. So his father's wife was his mother, and, being his mother's father, he became his own Grandpa. Now this type of relayushunship has a particular resonance, which we wouldn't recommend for anyone living north of the Mason-Dixon line. But Yankees can tap the energy by way of these crystals. However, these crystals are not to be used in the quest to end flatulence, as the previous owners were known to consume mass quantities of ham-hocks, pork rinds and chitterlins. (grunt, snort)
You sent a copy of Stop Feeling Like an Asshole to Jachass? No wonder your karma is so fucked up! If anyone should feel like an asshole, it's Jachass.
With Lava, and.. yes... ahh Peeaahsss
Well. Well, Well, it was a pleazure and a bit of Shadenfreud to see JachItch hurt himself, certainly so. You see, knee problems represent anger and the right knee is feminine, in that particular regard. We would suggest, therefore, in that sensing, that JachItch is pissed off at women, or one particular woman. We haven't the foggiest notion who that woman may be, nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more. (sigh, ooze, sphlitt)
We are quite disapoiyunted that Jach did not mention his time with us on that trip. We would suggest that JachItch's synapses tend to fire unevenly, within the confines of his purjorious orafice, in so much as the flatulence generating energies, ever present within his cerebrum - sometimes approaching dementia pracox - such that it is not within his power, in that particular regard, to utter sonoric vibrayushuns which are, how shall we say, in accordance with those energies which are, in that way, truthful. In your feeble language, this may be known as being a pathological liar.
JachItch spent the two hours waiting for his flight in the men's room, doing an "abundance technique". (oh, yes, sigh, wheeze)
Indeed, JachItch's luggage was among the first to arrive on the conveyer belt - among the first 340 pieces. The first piece belonged to Mimi - she always wins. We have taught her well. Speayuking of winning, JachItch says the wall won in their battle. We seem to recall Peny saying that she and JachItch "always win".
The reayuzun for JachItch's trip, we would suggest, is to gather informayushun about the Roman Empire. We suspect that Lazaris will soon speayuk of the wonderful energies contained in the vomitoriums. Crystals which have been washed in the hurlings of Caligula are most powerful indeed.
Micki, you mentioned that JachItch drank a Diet Coke after Peny denounced aspertame. Once again, you are hanging out in negative ego. Peny indeed discovered that the vibrayushunal properties of aspertame coincide precisely with the vibrayushunal matrix which makes up Blue Sky Vodka. When these energies merge, in that particular regard, a higher energy - in your world, relating to the Seventh Heaven, or Cloud Nine - this higher energy can mitigate a whole shitload of karma.
Karma, by the bye, is the flip side of dogma - same coin, two sides. Therefore, if you do not want to be dogmatic or feel th effects of karma, you must give up your coins. Dollars, in that particular regard, are symbolic to your subconcious of many coins - that is much karma and dogma. To truly be free of karma and dogma, we would suggest that you can send them to us. You see we have no investment in karma/dogma, but we do like money, or at least Mimi does. (grunt, snort...)
With Limp imPrecision....
Well, well, well, it's a playuzure all that bullshit to be condescending to you tonight.
So Lazaris is telling peeuppull what they should look for in a channeled entity. As usual, Lazaris is full of shit, in that particular regard. You see, within the vibrayutional mayatrix of channeled energies there lies a preponderance of undulating, spiralling excrement of the type so often associayuted with the male bovine, as it were. (grunt, snort)
We have our own standards for evaluayuting a channeled entity:
1) The entity must be clearly superior to you, or why listen to them? The entity will remind you repeatedly of their superiority, so you are not apt to forget. (wheeze, ahh...)
2) You should feel totally dependent upon the entity, the channel and anyone whom the entity deems is worthy of your worship, such as Mimi.
3) Any entity worth their salt will have a weird-sounding name (ahh, yeah, that's it...)
4) The entity should make you feel like the schmuck that you are, while convincing you that you feel better about yourself.
5) No claims should be verifiable (sniffle, sphattyulinkux...)
6) The channel should be a dork.
7) The message should be interspersed with irrelevant bullshit, so much so, that you must purruchase 15 tapes to find out how to do the simplest techneeyuck.
8) The organizayution should be populayuted by mindless sycophants.
If the entity you deal with has these qualities, then you can be assured that you will never be the subject of another's jealousy, no one will expect too much from you, and you will never lose sleep over losing what you have, since you won't have anything. (gurgle goo goo...)
With Limp ass Penis...
Well well well, it is with much playusure that we speeyuk with you this eeyuvning. (grunt, sniffle) The love - ah, yes (wheeze), the love and the joy keeyups growing as we penetrayut ever deeper into your pockets - uh consciousness. There we will control more and more of your though processes, certainly so.
Micki, you speeyuk of Barfolomule. Indeeyud, he was a great prophet in that particular regard. He was born of a semi-virgin, but he consumed much extra-virgin olive oil, which mayud up for the virginity which his mother lacked. (spilff, nwazz).
The make-beleeyuv prophet has indeeyud suckered many poor saps, certainly so. In the vibrayushional mayutrix of the 20th century, many will fall prey to false profits, of which Jackass is but one. (quazzle, spoof)
As you have surmiyezed, dear Micki, laughter is a powerful techneeyuk in combatting the excrement of bovine creeyutures. We do find it amusing how many other species are cayupable of producing this same substance which is attributed to male bovine. In fact, humans seem to produce more than bulls. We beleeyuv that Lazaris would declare this a "paradox", in that particular regard.
We do feel your laughter, dear Ones, oh yes, we do. We will join our energies with yours as you take a mickey (pun intended) out of Constant:Senility and Jachass forever and a day.
With lard and peeves...
Well, well, well, it is a playazure - it always ihuzz - to be shuckin' and jivin' you Fools. We say that with a capital "F" because you are the Magickal Fools, the Studius Fools, the Winsome Fools.
You are the biggest Fools (wheeze, chortle). We have come at the request of you Hired Selves to teayuch you the Art of Self-Riyitchenous. Mimi is the pioneer as it were, in that particular regard. Her path is a path of Decayuption, a path of Grand Ignorance. (zzzzz, hhmmm, gaggle whack) Oh we love your money so. We love not only your money, dear ones, we love your power, your naivete, your denial. For without your naivete and your denial you would not part with your money and power so willingly.
We will love you as long as there is money in your bank account. (grunt, choke, oy vey) We have wahatched you over the course of many lifetimes. We are the ultimate voyeour. We learned of your weaknesses and we used them to deceeyuv you. Even as we tell you this, you refuse to beleeyuv that we are deceeyuving you. Encyclopdia salesmen throughout the Universe have studied you. You see, you are the most easily deceeyuved beings in the Universe. You alone have the ability to watch people act like total dorks and still project divinity upon them. You are good enough. But no too good. Good enough to earn money, but not too good to know not to give it to shysters. Oh we love your asses so.
The 1990s were the most monumayental decayud of all time. So monumental that Concept: Sycophant raked in 1 MILLion dollars. So monumental that your leader redefined the word "is", the most basic word in the English lahanguage. (Physs, piss, snort) So monumental that you no longer need to listen to our tap... Um, that is, so monumental that you better buy more tapes and attend more seminars, yeah that's it, more seminars.
You see you are still not out of the woods. You have a Nemesis, an Adversary, a Closet Cross-Dresser and an Abominable Self that need to be handled in that particular regard. The more you listen the more you will need to listen. Let us say that again, the more you listen the more you will need to listen. We have a tape which drill this message into your sub-conscious. You neeyud to listen to it over and over. Then you will belong to us, ha ha ha.... Um, excuse us - then you will act happy even when you're sad, you will act confident even when you are fearful and you will not cotton to anyone in the Consensus to express these emotions.
Thank you, Dear Micki, for your broadcast.
Dear Fools, here's to another 10,000 Fuck You Jachs
With Larve and Pupa, Latrinis
Ah, wheeze, mmpphh! Indeeyud -- oh yesss! We are the 10,000th Fool as it were. We knew we would be. You see, we always knew this moment would come. The rest of y'all didn't stand a chance, for we are Latrinis the Magnificent. We are the greatest. You will bow before our might.
It has been suggested by some - some who are in negative ego, as it it were - that we stopped speayuking to you, that Anita Gimmic had gone off the deep end and started mayuking up stuff and pretending that it was us. But it is still us.
Some say that our tranmissions were wise in the beginning and they have become more and more absurd. No, we would suggest that it is our defenders who have become more absurd, in that particular regard. It is they who have creayuted us being so bogus that only the most daft would continue to believe in us. (snorgle, phleww)
You see there are some who refuse to belieyuv that they have been had. There are those whose imaginayutions are so robust that they develop theories to account for our inconsistencies. We no longer need to work at it - our followers will belieyuv in us even as we admit that we are a fraud.
We have spoken often - and we will continue to speayuk as long as the money rolls in - about elegance. What is more elegant than having one's clients do the work and continue to be pahyud for it? The most return for the least effort. We couldn't have done it without your ceaseless denial, without your insatiable desire to feel better than the infidels... um, the Consensus Reality.
Micki, we will be delieghyeted to party with you on the Caustic Plane. We have long since moved beyond physical enjoyuhment. But we shall enjoy the gifts via our seven sexual chakras.
At this time of celebrayution, we would like to share our versions of some popular songs:
From South Pacific: I'm Gonna Wash That Orb Right Out Of My Soul
The Rolling Stones' Jumpin' Jach Cash:
He was born in small town Michigan
And he howled at Peny in the driving rain
But it's all right now
In fact it's a gas
It's all right now
He's Jumpin' Jach Cash full of gas, gas, gas
He was married to a toothless bearded hag
He was schooled by her constant ceaseless nag
But it's all right now
In fact it's a gas
It's all right now
He's Jumpin' Jach Cash full of gas, gas, gas
He is found out, he is washed up from A to Zed
He looks down at his minions off whom he's fed
His jowls flap with the sound of New Age retreads
He was crowned with an orb right in his head
But it's all right now
In fact it's a gas
It's all right now
He's Jumpin' Jach Trash gonna crash, crash, crash
The Beatles' Hey Jach:
Hey Jach, don't make it bad
Take some dogma and make it profitable
Remember to get them into your cult
If they revolt, find some more gullible
Hey Jach, don't be afraid
You were made to be a shyster
The minute you get them under you spell
The you can dwell on getting richer
And anytime you feel the heat
Hey Jach retreat
don't carry the orb upon your shoulders
For well you know that you're a fool
a mindless mule
For making the world a little colder
Da da da da da
da da da da
Hey Jach don't let me down
You have bound them, now go abuse them
Remember to let get them under you spell
Then go to Hell and you'll amuse them...
With Libel and Peeve...
Well, well, well, oh my, gadzooks, and all that crap... It is a playuzure to be bailing your asses out once agaiyun.
Lazaris says that this conflict with Iraq is all about shame. Once agaiyun the Grand Orb if full of excrement. This war is all about flatulence (wheeze, choke, harumph) Between the Turds in the North and the Shits in the South, Iraq is a hotbed, as it were, of flatulence, in that particular regard. We have often spoken of the effect of beer, pizza and Mexican food on one's bowels. Have you ever eaten Persian food? No amount of Pepto-Bismal will quench the seismic aggitation this food causes.
Some say its a war about oil. No, its a war about gas. You need not build alliances with your European brethren. You must build an alliance with your bowels. (quaast, wazzle and roll)
To end the flatulence, we encourage you to build three crystal grids. We will call these grids Larry, Moe and Curly. Moe represents the bully, Larry represents the victim and Curly represents the rest of you mindless fools. The crystals used in these grids will be of your own choosing. But we recommend that you prepare yourself with some killer weed to provide inspirayushun (cough, DAMN).
Each night before you watch The Simpsons, sit in front of your grids and chant, "Nom Myoho Renge Kyo" for 10 minutes, concentrayuting all of your gas in your Solar Plexus. If you start to feel bloated, then know that you have not yet made peayuss with your bowels. Go back to the Ending Flatulence: the Adult Years and do the meditayushun 7 times. Don't worry about missing The Simpsons - you can tape it.
Do this for 7 nights. If the war is still going on, its because you haven't yet cleared out your Adversary. Buy more tapes to help you get your shit togayuther. If the war ends, you can tayuk credit for it. Buy more tapes to ensure a lasting peayuss.
With Lies and Ploys...
Well, well, well, indeeyud, it is with great playuzure that we speayuk to you, as alwayuzz. We are here now to let you know what a schmuck Lazaris is. We will mock him forever and a day, certainly so.
Sex is our most favorite topic, as we have seven chakras attunuhed to sexuality, in that particular regard. We do agree with you, Micki, that C:S may have seeuhn the potayuntial for peeahple having more sex, rahther than buy more tayups. Indeeyud, the Orb himself suggested the leaders would have to work the fields, in that regard, as it were, and all that extrayuhnous bullshit, if peeuhple knew that the highest techneeyuk is wanking, certainly so. That is why we have put out several wanking videos: Spiritual Sluts Part I and II, Lusting in Lemuria, Naughty MapMakers and Alice Does Atlantis.
We do wonder though, why the Orb thinks that virgins don't menstrayut. In fact, the Virgin Mary menstrayutted with such intensity that a drink, Bloody Mary, was nayummed after her.
The Orb says, "The derivation of the word, ‘Christ’ - the one covered in semen...". We have not been able to corroborayut that claiyum. Actually, "Christ" means "the Anointed One". "Anoint" means to put oil on. Perhaps Lazaris does not know the difference between oil and jism - perhaps he's spent too much time with the Tin Man. Seems the Orb likes to hang out with folks who have no heart.
The Orb says, "But sexual activity is the fastest way you can reach enlightenment, absolutely so.". Hmm, he didn't say can be, he said is. That mayuks one wonder if rape and child molestayution are roads "going Home"? A new come-on line: "If you don't give it up to me, you're stunting my spiritual growth". Actually, we think there are many self-promoting gurus who already are doing just that, in that particular regard.
With Lies and Promises, Latrinis
Well, well, well... It is a playuzure to be communicayuting with y'all. The playuzure increases as you become more brainwashed, certainly so.
Indeeyud, it is once again Superbowl Sunday. On this day, as in the past, a powerful vortex opens within the Superbowl, flushing away the excrement of our nemesis, Lazaris. Indeeyud, all you need to maximize this effect is to playuss your Lazaris tapes in the Superbowl as your Hired Self pulls the lever. In this way, the Superbowl can be a catapult to intense spiritual growth, in that particular regard.
We have predicted the winner, as usual. We have always said that the team scoring the most points would win, and once again we've been correct.
Though Superbowl Sunday can be a catalyst for tremendous growth, it also has the potayuntial for increasing one's flatulence, certainly so. More chili and beer are consumed on this day than any other. We recommend the meditayushun on the Ending Flatulence: the Adolescent Years to counteract these negative phenomena, in that particular regard.
With Buns and Cheese...
Well, well, well... it is with great playuzure and condescension that we speayuk with you this evenning. Your request has not fallen on deaf ears, in that particular regard.
We thought about taking your advice to have a quayustion and answer section, but we have made a descision of the third power to ignore your desires as we have done since 1974 and will continue to due forever and a day, as it were, know what we're sayin'?
You see, dear ones, in your puny little reality, there is this thing called time. We, of course, are above that. We could anser you in our time in mere seconds, but we could not guarantee that it would be within your current lifetime, in that particular sensing. (You like how we sometimes say "regard" and sometimes "sensing"? We think this is really clever, and, if you're really spiritually advanced, you will be impressed as well)
But we have convinced the unit (i.e. the webmaster) to create a special section, as it were, in that sensing (we need to kill more time? ... yes?), that, because of the vibrational minions within your particular embryonic framistat, inverted as it is in relation to the Grand Duplicity - undulating waves of gratuitous sycophancy, not withstanding - he will gahther our incredible wisdom and save it for posterity within the electronic confines of the server.
If you would but click on the proper link once per day, and the hour deemed most appropriayut by your Hired Self, you can hasten the journey Home using the oldest and most powerful techneeyuk known to man: humor. Unfortunately, its not that simple. You see, you have many, many blockages which need to be overcome. You Americans have your internal asshole and schmuck. You Brits have many more enemies within you: Your Git, your Pillock, your Prat, your Wanker, your Tosser, and the most dangerous of all, your Toe Rag. Of course, we have tapes dealing with all these nemeses - buy them all, then you may be spirityal enough advance to the next level.
With Lavish Pretense...
Ah Dear Micki,
You asked about our assertion that sex is the most powerful techneeyuk and the apparent contradiction with our assertion that humor is the highest techneeyuk. That, dear One, is a PARADOX, mmm'kay? We have already stayutted that we don't contradict ourselves, so any apparent contradiction is really a sign that you are not spiritually advanced enough to resolve the PARADOX, certainly so (there, you satisfied now?)
You see, in the wrinkles and folds of paradox, there is much opportunity for growth. You should love yourself enough to not dismiss material because your puny, linear-logical brain cannot understand the wrinkles, folds, subtleties and deception within the mayutrix of paradox, in that particular regard.
With Lillies and Pansies...
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