The following thread is dedicated to humor topics:

Thanks for your brilliant post, I agree with you 100%, you've really nailed it. LOLOLOL.

Sorry, I couldn't help add my little Forum parody.

I wanted to mention also that we should be very careful in nameing names other than those of public people.

Jach and Peny have made public claims about themselves via the books, tapes, etc. The claims they make about themselves are fair game. Besides, can you imagine Jach on the witness stand trying to prove that it wasn't him who said such and such, that it was Lazaris? Talk about a field day for the National Enquirer!

"Chubby ex-insurance agent claims to channel multi-dimensional being who has named 400 lb shared wife as worlds most enlightened being"

That would be one for the books!

On the other hand, the Forum is private and it's contents are also copywrited. I think we're better off not naming names.

We can tell of our personal experiences in the Forum, or of conversations we have had with others about it. There is no law against recounting an experience or stating an opinion or theory.

Maybe it's best if we find other ways of describing Forum posters than by their names.
I'm sure you can all come up with some descriptive phrases which will allow us to know what is being discussed.

E.g, "I logged into the Forum one morning to find that my innocent post about the color of Hillary Clinton's shoes had erupted into a 26 thread assassination of me, led by Crush Dimbulb. His posts were eagerly praised and echoed by Petunia Piglet, Mindless Misty, Diabolical Heartcard, Harry Glum, and Special K Simple."

See what I mean?

Anyway, I think you get the point.

Katie

Textbook stuff.

Am I the only one who finds this totally hysterical?

quote:

---

Last year, that same friend had taken the Millenium Lazaris flyer into his graphic arts studio and created a slightly doctored
version of the flyer entitled "Millpenyum". He put it back in the
original CS envelope, sealed it up with a typewritten label and mailed
it to our other friend....what a laugh.

---

Latrinis is from the 5th Dimension. Not the band that did Aquarius and Up, Up and Away, but the home of Mr. Mxyzptlk, the imp who acted as thorn-in-the-side to Superman.

Latrinis explains why they chose to communicate with us, "Well, you see, in your vibrational Universe, where no one can claim superiority over anyone else, we detected an exceptionally bright light. Intrigued, we followed this light to it's source and found one, Mimi Bobeck. We have come to communicate with Mimi and help her in her quest to feel superior to everyone else. We have since discovered that the source of her light was not her clear Soul, but the pounds of eye-shadow she applies on a daily basis. But, hey, even beings from the Higher Realms can make mistakes, what makes you think you're so superior...."

Tapes by Latrinis:

The Wonder And Power Of Love Bombing

On this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis says that, "God is Love, and You are God, and God is beautiful, and you are beautiful and Love is real and you are real I am the Walrus, koo-koo-ka-choo".

The Magick of Deception

This is a most powerful and seminal tape. Latrinis discusses how to deceive your friends, spouse, employer, the government. This is it. Once you have mastered the information on this tape you will be all-powerful.

The Power of Deception

Ok, so we missed a few points about deception on the "Magick of Deception" tape. This is the one. Yeah, that's it. After this tape you will truly be all-powerful.

The Wonder of Deception

Right. Well, it seems that you people are so stupid, we need to put out yet another tape on deception. This one for sure will do the job.

The Beauty of Deception

OK, now that you have finally gotten the Magick, Power and Wonder of Deception, you may be wondering why your life is still f**cked up. Well, that's because you haven't dealt with the Beauty of Deception. On this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis explains how one can deceive oneself and others into believing that Mimi is beautiful.

Stopping Dissent In It's Tracks

It's really a pain in the butt to have inferior people disagree with us. Latrinis is here to help by explaining how to stop people from dissing you. Contains a beautiful and powerful hypnos... uh, meditation.

Tying Your Own Shoes: The Skill

Most of us think we are quite capable of tying our own shoes. Well, think again! Latrinis explains how we inhibit our growth by not tying our shoes properly. How many times have you tripped over your shoelaces, even after all the processing and programming you have done? It's not because you are bad or wrong. It's because you are an idiot. Latrinis have never been held back by the tedium of tying shoes, and therefore can help us gain an unprecidented understanding of the subtleties of proper shoe tying.

Tying Your Own Shoes: The Art

You probably thought you had shoe tying sussed after listening to the Skill of Tying Your Shoes seven times and clearing away a multitude of blockages. Well, you may have learned the skill, but Latrinis is here now to teach you the art of shoe-tying. You have long since moved beyond being an idiot. Now you are a soulless moron. Allow the Magick of Latrinis' mind-control techniques to convince you that you are better than everyone except for the Gangsters.

The Indescribable Power Of Character Assassination

Sometimes, in spite of all the wonderful deception and love-bombing, some schmuck still tries to hold you accountable for your actions. What can you do? In this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis describes the awesome power of assassinating your enemy's character. This technique has been used by dictators and cult-leaders for millennia to great effect. Allow Latrinis to show you the Character Assassination Mill, the Lagoon of Destroyed Reputations and the House of Ill-Repute.

The Wonder Of Sycophancy

On this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis describes how you can control the controllers by sucking up to them and using their inflated ego against them. In the Old Age, many were well-practiced in the art of brown-nosing. But good, old-fashioned brown-nosing sometimes isn't enough. We need to move to the next level of brown-nosing with Latrinis' trademarked "Leveraged Sycophancy". With this new level, one is able to suck up while appearing to be spirityal. One can flatter while continuing to feel better-than. This is a powerful and seminal tape - oh, right, we already said that...

Latrinis accepts suggestions for future tapes. Any ideas?

Verrrrry funny!!! After all these years it seems you have hidden talents. I say, let's take this show on the road! Latrinas is sure to draw huge crowds. We can fill stadiums for sure.

I've been in consultation with our financial advisors, they tell me that after they've placed a few hundred million into our bank account from a dethroned Zamibian dictator's hidden funds, we can also get in on the top floor of the newest MLM "WalletTrade". It works great, our specially chosen downline send their wallets to us, and in trade we give them their own free website where they can advertise our company and have others send their wallets to us too. Followers of Latrinas get a special bonus offer, they send in their wallets on payday only and get a free wallet sized Jackson Pollock print. Jackson Pollock as you know is the official portrait artist for Mimi the best friend of our beloved channel. Mimi says no one has ever portrayed her as faithfully as Jackson.

Pollocks famous "Lavender Mist" for which Mimi posed on prom night can be seen at: http://www.nga.gov/feature/pollock/painting2.html This is Mimi's favorite portrait.

I hear that Latrinas will be giving a seminar on "The Shame of Thinking" in which we are told how our brains our enemies, and that we should never under any circumstances pay them any attention. Latrinas will advise us that all thinking will now be done for us by Mimi and her closest friends, Zach Forsale, and Kiljoy Comet.

I also hear that the Latrinas material will soon be endorsed by Phyliss Diller and a reincarnated Minnie Pearl, two icons of the entertainment world who have provided great inspiration for Mimi.

Thank you again for providing us with information on the latest and greatest, newest and grooviest in the "Get Soaked by the Love" movement.

Katie

Due to the overwhelming response generated by the first series of tapes, and because Mimi wants a new car, Latrinis has released the following tapes:

Self-Deprecation

We have watched with wonder the elegance with which Rodney Dangerfield bears his soul. We cannot fathom that we could ever be so unworthy of respect. But Latrinis explains in great detail why none of us deserves to be respected. Latrinis is joined on this tape by Mimi, who can make even the greatest of accomplishments seem trivial. The one-two punch of Latrinis and Mimi will make you wonder why you ever felt good about yourself.

The Fallacy of Success

Many teachers in the human potential movement pride themselves on the efficacy of their success seminars. But do we really want to be successful? Successful people act as lightning rods for the scum of the Earth with their petty jealousies and criticisms. Latrinis teaches us how we can be utter failures, the envy of no one.

Ending Flatulence

The bowels were meant to serve us, to help us eliminate undesirable elements from our systems. But we overwhelmed our digestive systems and forced them to handle situations that they were not designed to handle, such as excess beer and Mexican food. It is time now to make peace with our bowels. We can lovingly bring our digestive system back into compliance if we are but willing.

Ending Flatulence II: The Adolescent Years

As infants, we learned that we could get the attention of our mothers by developing intestinal gas. This worked fine until we were 3 or 4 years old. Then we were expected to burp ourselves. In order to survive, we shifted the gas from the upper digestive tract to the lower digestive tract. We didn't do that because we are bad or wrong. We did it because we are pigs. On this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis discusses the role of testosterone and pizza in causing our bowels to go negative.

Ending Flatulence III: The Adult Years

As an adolescent, we could be excused for our outbursts. But as we become adults, Society casts judgments on our loud and odoriferous behavior. We learn to suppress our urges. The pain can become unbearable at times. So we turn to Tums and Rolaids. But these don't satisfy us. We blame those around us who will not let us express ourselves. What can we do? On this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis takes us on a journey to discover our personal Wind Tunnel where the causes and effects of flatulence are linked together.

Stop Feeling Like An Asshole

Just because you are an asshole, doesn't mean you need to feel like an asshole. On this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis explains in simple language that even you can understand that even assholes can have a harem of sycophants surrounding them.

The fuschia label tapes are 24.95 and the teal label tapes are 29.95. All tapes are the highest quality rejects salvaged from Memorex dumpsters recorded using the latest recording technology available from the People's Republic of China.

Send check or money order to:
Concept:Syphilis
666 Scammers Drive
East Podunk, NJ 00000

Many have asked him why he refers to himself in the third person. It is because they are detached. And because they don't want to be held accountable for their actions.

Are they male or female? Well, you see they are not actually male or female. They are a hermaphradite. In the vibratory structure of the fifth dimension, one cannot get enough by having only one organ of sensuous pleasure. All of their chakras are attuned to sexuality. So actually they are septaphadites - seven instruments of genitalia, if you will. The better to screw you with.

As they've said many times, they will take your money and your power forever and a day.
Just imagine a golden dollar sign - there in the corner of your safe. Not the place where you feel safe - the safe where your money is stored. Let it go. Set yourself free. Send in your dollars. They will always be there to take them.

They know that on occasion you will have an original thought. They are aware of how terrifying original thoughts can be and that is why they will be happy to supplant your original thoughts with horseshit. They have long moved beyond the need or temptation to have original thoughts, and therefore, they can help you dispense with yours.

They have been asked, "Why now?", "Why us?", "What's love got to do with it?". Well, you see, you are in danger of becoming too powerful, too independent. What with the Declaration of Independence and the Internet allowing people to communicate more than ever before, they felt that all this freedom needed to be addressed. That's why they are offering Free Dumb (only it's not free). Most of you are so stupid you think that freedom means that you can live your own life by your own principles. Not at all. It means you are Free to be Dumb. So they are here to dumb you down. But not for free. Surely you're not so fricken stupid as to think they would do it for free(?) Not when Mimi spends $500 a day on eyeshadow alone.

Anyway, that's all you get for now. Don't forget they will be there anytime you visualize a golden dollar sign - but only if Mimi OKs it.

My Shields are Up and my Entity is better than your Entity. My butt is bigger than yours too.

You are so dumb that if brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

You are so fat that you went into 7-11 and didn't come out until 11:15.

Your are so ugly, you make onions cry.

Don't ever think of messing with me Mimi, I am the world's foremost Magician and I ALWAYS WIN!!!

So there!!

Much love,

I don't care if you pee north, south or east, just don't pee into the wind.

You're right you butt is bigger than mine. I hear your butt is so big, it's got suburbs! Your cheeks are joined by a suspension bridge. Each cheek is in a different time zone.

I hear your nose is so big, you pick it with a shovel. Your hair is so high, you cause an eclipse.

You're so ugly, when you was born, the doctor slapped your mother! Your mother asked for a retroactive abortion!

Don't you mess with me - my entity can kick your entity's aura.

Jade Fox

How dare you come here and have such a negative impact on us all? Your request for dolphin icons is a sure sign that you are in negative ego. Do you think that by using a dolphin icon you can hide the fact that you are in child, adolescent, martyr, and that you are playing the victim?

This self-sabotage of yours is unprecedented.
My spirit guide, Mme Blavatsky has told me that you are beyond redemption, and she also suggests that you would do well to change the spelling of your name because you are coming up with one seriously negative enneagram energy which is causing solar flares and fluctuations on the Nasdaq.

Icons are not reality dolphingirl, they are just cartoons made by unenlightened graphics geeks and serve no purpose other than to divert you from doing the hard work you must do to combat that murderous ego of yours. Those geeks are liars, dg, foul and dangerous liars.

You must apologize to us all for this horrendous breach of integrity, and you must get busy and do some heavy processing and programming immediately.

I will never forgive you for what you have done, because you have caused tears to stream down my face, arms, and legs, and now my $600 dollar sandals are ruined, not to mention my one of a kind $1000 size 88 caftan which is now tearstained, streaked with mascara, eye shadow, eye liner, brow definer, 3 colors of blush, and 6 lbs of foundation. It has a bit of lipstick on it too, and that was my favorite color! I can't even discuss the impact you have had on my privately commissioned lip-liner.

All this because YOU had to have an icon!

I have reviewed your tape orders, seminar attendance, private consultations, family relationships, your resume, and your supermarket purchasing habits. You are one seriously disturbed individual, and it is glaringly clear that you have no gratitude whatsoever for my generosity in sharing Lazaris' love and wisdom with you.

Jach will never complain to you personally, but your foul and rotten post has sent him into a catatonic state and now peas and lava are flowing from his mouth, nose and ears.

My staff is in an uproar, they are wounded, shocked, stunned, and outraged at this stellar and enormous affront. You can be sure that you will be hearing from them. There is no limit to there desire to defend and protect me and our dear Jach from spiritual vandals like you.

You need to pull out that credit card and get busy ordering tapes, books, calendars, and most of all, you need this $40,000 grandmother rutilated clear point brazilian mined flourite included specially charged and balanced provenanced Atlantinian smokey quartz tumbled stone crystal which Lazaris has specially chosen for you.

All in all, I figure this negative ego romp of yours will cost you about $75,000, a small price to pay for getting your head screwed around.

Of course, none of that will matter, because there really is nothing you can ever do to gain my forgiveness. I'll spend your money anyway though.

Get thee into a doubletetrahedron and don't come back.

No Icons, No Humor, No Fun!!!! I have spoken.

Much love,

Pee

You've heard of war in the heavens?

This is war over use of the only toilet (pay) in an Alabama trailer park.

Eric

Your post to Mimi showed so much vulnerability. I am so amazed at your sensitivity and integrity even in the face of such negative ego behavior.

You are an inspiration to all of us.

I agree with you 100%. I hope everyone reads your post and sees what a truly loving person you are.

You are just too spirityal for words! My God, what Love, what dignity you exude! I am just so fortunate to have you as a maste - uh, friend.

You made me bust my gut now!!!!:
"smarmy teddy bear with the alien inside"

Can I USE THAT,...PLEEEEZZE.!!!

Anyway, I have a scorpio moon myself,(perhaps a BIT overshadowed by my Aires sun tho'), nevertheless I've recently been working on re-establishing my psychic powers with a good workbook called "The Psychic Pathway", and am finding it to be most helpful.
An interesting side effect I had noticed when involved in J/L teachings, I became very dense, and what I'd describe as the most psychically(?) stupid and non-sensing that I've EVER been.... I believe it was due to giving up my power, but I also think it had alot to do with only ever using "their" guided meditations....not a good idea folks...

I'd recommend The Psychic Pathway to everyone, as we can only become empowered to trust ourselves when we learn to more fully LISTEN on several levels.

The more we trust OUR voices the more loudly they speak. This is what I've found to be true for myself anyway.

Thanks again Steve for the great mental pictures I got when reading that description..I don't think I will ever forget that one.....

********

alt.talk.new.age/etiquette

can anyone in this newsgroup help me the brightest spark of light in the universe died and she and her husband had a sacred covenant so i was wondering what do i write in my condolence note

sleepless in subconscious
mapmaker@hotmail.com

Dear Sleepless:

I gather you have lost a very close friend that you considered one of the lights of your life, so please accept my condolences. We might be better able to help you if you informed us exactly what a "Sacred Covenant" is--again, sorry you lost a dear friend and do take care.

Emily
miss.new.age.manners@msnbc.com

dear emily

the sacred covenant is the powerful intimacy real soulmates feel it's magical and really beautiful that's why after she died her husband gassed himself.

still sleepless
mapmaker@hotmail.com

Dear sleepless;

A donation to organizations devoted to counseling the depressed and mentally ill might be a nice way to express your sympathy to those left behind in the wake of this death pact.

Julia
angel@excite.com

dear miss emily new age manners thank you for replying to me in email and julia

it's not a death pact it's a sacred covenant that's a good thing i can't write "sorry for your loss i gave money to the mentally ill" when this magical thing happened it's like saying you're sorry about lourdes seems wrong

what about this

dear jach,

my higher self said it's hard not to feel two's company three's a crowd when you're the only one left out of a sacred covenant. i know you said you were shocked by peny's death but i bet it's the kind of shock you feel when you win the lottery. i hope someday with the help of lazaris i will be as evolved as peny and find a soulmate who will kill himself for love of me

much love,
sleepless.

wdyt?

way way sleepless
p.s. do i have to send a separate note to lazaris seems rude not to peny was his best friend in the universe
mapmaker@hotmail.com

Hello, sleepless;

Who the hell are these people (and why the freaky spelling of their names? Are they circus people? Tent revivalists?)

figgy
curious.me@excite.com

dear figgy

evolved spirits not circus people lazaris is a ball of light he taught peny how to love her husband not jach the other husband michaell in seven steps maybe covenanting is the eighth step what are tent revivalists peny felt like she was living in a bedouin tent is that what you mean

sleepless
p.s. maybe i can send lazaris a non physical note wdyt and to emily i am posting from a friend's house but i will send email later i don't need professional help i was just in martyr when i emailed you
mapmaker@hotmail.com

dear everybody

i sent jach my note and i apologized for it to everyone in orlando right away when they told me to

they said i was projecting feelings onto jach and they almost cancelled my membership because of jach's intuition and then i posted in a read only thread in the forum and used the word covenanting and they said it was selfish and disrespectful i made up that word because if peny's spirit had wanted to call it that they would have called it sacred covenanting to begin with

so now i can stay only if i read and don't post thank you all for helping me before could you help me write another letter that will help me apologize better so i can post again

sleepless in subconscious
mapmaker@hotmail.com

dear cartman;

thank you for emailing me i don't understand about this part so i am posting it here maybe others can help me understand

"This is not luuuuv but death marching in the biggest "You work til WE jerk you off" yuppie parade from HELL; get a clue stick and lead the marching band playing "Nearer My Stocks to Me" OFF the online ramp straight to Hades"

but can i post in cosmic fool website you sent me not just read thank you

sleepless
mapmaker@hotmail.com

dear everybody

you were all so kind to me three weeks ago i wanted to tell you i am fine i sent this note to jach today

jach

if somone i loved killed themselves i wouldn't call it magical but sad

p.s. please take me off mailing list

thanks again to everyone for etiquette advice

not sleepless anymore
(my new email is
wide.awake@hotmail.com)

********

flo

You wrote:

"But, as they say, "so many channels, and still nothing on".

LOL

flo

Seminal Post

a post written by one of the Gang, usually Peny or Michaelavelli, which either states the obvious or is total BS

Compassion

the ability and willingness to break a person's spirit until they change their opinion to jibe with that of the Gang

Safety

the state in which the Orlando Gang can shred people's self-esteem with impunity

Much Love

a salutation often used by the Gang, meaning "F**k You"

Adult

Die-hard Republican

Reality Creation

that which a person does when the Gang appears to behave irresponsibly

Forever and a day

a time in the distant future when we can expect the Gang to take responsibility

Negative Ego

the state of holding an opinion contrary to the Gang

Consistant

contradictory

Anger

the only emotion allowed to be expressing in the Forum

Jach and Lazaris Room

a concentration camp for training sycophants

Spirituality

the practice of paying C:S to control one's mind

Success beyond your wildest dreams

manifesting a parking space

Responsibility

that quality which is shifted from the Gang to everyone else

Meditation

Hypnosis

Processing

Mea Culpa

Programming

giving credit to Lazaris for one's success and blaming oneself for failure

Cheers, Ted

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No one really has to work for a gift. We just have to accept it, unwrap it, and rejoice.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

quote:

---

Boy, if we could all just learn that lesson, life truly would be magic.

---

Ok, I'll be giving seminars soon, in which I will provide you with 144 very simple steps, each one requiring 40 days and 40 nights of elegant processing. Once you are finished, I guarantee that the sun will rise in the east, your teeth will be brighter (if you use my specially formulated toothpaste as directed), and you will become a much better cook.(if you subscribe to my 144 volume video cooking series and follow the recipes exactly). Much more love will come into your life because the techniques will only work if you build a shrine to me and do a love ritual every morning at dawn. At sunset you must pay equal homage to my husband Ted who is the Supreme Wiseguy of the Galaxies. Through him you will learn the true meaning of guacamole.

If you have any difficulties following the material we have specially charged generator beach sand from Lemuria packaged in buckets specially commissioned and designed by the yet unknown but soon to be collectible artist Delbert Johnson, whose works can be found hanging in the finest galleries in strip malls around the world.

We are so excited to be able to offer you this unique package which will change your life forever and a day, as long as their is moonlight. Charter members will receive a specially prepared image of our private entity Latrinas lounging on the beach of the Sea of Possibilities.

And, if you act now you will be given special front of the line status outside the seminar rooms, as long as you appear at least 3 hours before the start of the program. Please bring your own pillows, blankets, beach chairs and water bottles.
Prozac will be made available for a small extra fee.

I can't wait to see you there!!! Before you know it, your life will be working in ways you never dreamed possible (once you release your resistance, and perform the techniques flawlessly). Guaranteed!!! (see disclaimers on the bottom of the designer Lemurian sand buckets).

Katie

1. Jach moves out.

2. Smudge the place with 10,000 sage sticks and 5,000 aromatic candles for 10 full cycles of the moon.

3. Resident humongous (and smaller) crystals should be submerged in the Atlantic for a century of cleansing .

4. It should be remodeled into a private resort.

5. And handed over to the people who paid for it.

6. We'll call it Fools' Paradise, PB.

Here's something to perk up the pool.

quote:

---

The possibility that the concept of Concept:Synergy was all a sham from the beginning, and if so, how it was/is pulled off. The inconsistencies never being addressed. The twisting of any honest, challenging question into negative ego. The pomposity and arrogance. The choice of ignoring what's going on by the One who says they're here to help us, love us forever (and a day), and be friends. The One's encouragement to invest in a borderline-illegal scheme that chisled even more $$ out of believers. The ultimate failure of the most perfect and wonderful woman in the world to consciously create her own goal of a long life (altho for all we know she may have achieved her goal of menstruating throughout the rest of it). And dishing us up a bozo president and leaving the rest of us to suffer the embarassment of him.

---

Yeah, there you have the puzzle! I think that we will begin to understand it better as it starts to unravel. One of the reasons I'm so interested in what Jach will have to say at this intensive is to see how he strategizes now that he knows he's been placed under scrutiny. Until recently he has had a clear field of operation. Like all good disfunctional groups, the only information coming out is what he chose and all incoming information was completely controlled. Now his followers have access to information that was carefully hidden through the years, and if sanity rules, he will have to face the feedback. You can control some of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time. That's my philosophy :}

It's easy enough to keep a myth alive as long as their is no provable contradiction to it, but that has ended. I believe that enough people have been shaken at least to semi-consciousness due to the shocking deaths and hopefully the information available on this site that Jach's free ride is now over. Let's see how well he functions as a paying customer, and that he is charged a fair fee by his fellow passengers. It's time for the teflon to come off of Jach. There certainly has been none offered to the rest of us. Ruthless invasion into the minds and souls of others has been long defined as Love by Peny and her Gang, now it's time for Jach to be Loved in the same way. If each of us who came into contact with that group was lucky enough to have been picked apart piece by piece, analyzed, judged, and condemned for Love why should Jach continue to suffer as the exception, especially now that we have a few glimpses of his "negative ego" issues?

Everyone marvels at the thought that anyone could pull of such an elaborate scam, I contend that it hasn't been elaborate at all, it's been a one way dialogue with Jach completely in control. I very much trust that the scam has just become much more elaborate, so let's see how well the master performs under the gun, and without his protector/motivator/raison d'etre.

quote:

---

All these things and the hundreds more described on this site are making me re-examine just about everything I thought before. It's like playing pick-up sticks. Not all the sticks were picked up before Peny's death, but upon her death, all the sticks got dumped on the floor again. And since one of the required objectives in life (according to the gold stick) is to have fun, and I love games and detective stories, I'm magnetized to the affair.

---

One would hope that this holds true for all followers whose sticks were dumped in the wake of the unexplained and undiscussable deaths. I know that some have been able to read here yet brush the information back under their bulging carpets with their "negative ego judgment" brooms, but it's extremely clear that the deaths and the way the news was handled is too big a pile for those trusty brooms to handle.

quote:

---

My heart goes out to all who were injured. Cruelty is not forgivable in my book when the perpetrator doesn't take responsibility for it and worse, continues the behavior.

---

I believe that all followers have been and are being seriously injured, worst of all those who are still straining to pull their carpets over this mountain of stench. It is beyond cruel to have played out this soul rape from the beginning, but it's become worse now that people are having increased demands placed on their credibility meters with not even being granted the right to speak their doubts, hurts, and concerns.

quote:

---

Jade, I love your rubber ducky for the pool and the idea of a white elephant sale. Maybe the estate should be declared an historic preservation site and turned into a museum, with shrine and holy place, and of course a museum store that sells holy water from the pool. They can use the leftover vials from Peny's aromas.

---

One of my favorite tourist attractions in England is Queen Victoria's summer home Oswald House on the Isle of Wight. The tour provides a very upclose and intimate peek into the life of that notorious Queen, and I think it would be a blast to get the same kind of view of Peny's day to day existance.

I would hope that an elaborate marker be placed along side the site of Michaell's departure, complete with the can of nitrous oxide and paraphernalia he used preserved as relics in honor of his heroic act of love and devotion.

The tour guides could take us through and give us a blow by blow of how Peny spent her days.

"This is the room where Peny healed her nearest and dearest with her unconditional love in countless all night sessions where their negative egos were exposed in all their horror for all to see. Close your eyes for a second, it's said that at certain times, her shrill voice and biting humor can still be heard resonating between the mammoth crystals."

"And now we move on to Peny's wardrobe. This was her favorite caftan, and as you can see, her make-up table is preserved just as she left it. Peny was one for grooming herself, as you can see, she was not content with simple compacts, but preferred to dig her hands sensuously into large buckets of eye shadow and blush. Here we see her fabulous wig collection, the envy of even Eva Gabor herself."

"Now onto the dining room, where we see the table still set for one of her famous dinners. Those crumbs you see on the floor are the remains of those upon whom she so generously heaped her great biting wit and wicked humor. Note her lovely collection of chintz china teacups."

"And then, to the focus of our tour,the kitchen, where Peny's presence is still felt, especially at midnight when it is said that on occasion the refrigerator and pantry doors continue to empty themselves. They are still kept well stocked with her favorite Haagen Daz, chocolate chip cookies, and a wide assortment of imported truffles and bon bons.
Peny had quite an eclectic appetite in life, note the neatly piled memorial pizza boxes all carefully notated with a listing of her unique and adventurous taste in toppings.

Before leaving, it is interesting to note the special little table there in the corner where Michaell was fed his daily breakfast of his favorite Fruit Loops, CoCo Puffs, and of course his beloved Lucky Charms. You can still see his little pile of green marshmallow clovers and pink hearts that he loved to make patterns with. Over here you can see where he spelled out deep metaphysical concepts with his Alph-bits. We have preserved the causal plane treatise he was working on the day of his heroic departure right here on his plastic placemat where it is now crazy glued and urethaned for posterity.

That bowl you see outside the door is where Jach's kibble was lovingly placed every morning."

"Moving along outside, we still see Peny's famous laptop preserved at her spot by the marble pool where she used to love to sit for hours, hounding through the internet, creating new chat room characters for herself, and keeping the souls of all liberals in line.

Michaell would float and splash along anxiously awaiting the toss of a big rubber ball which he had learned to balance on his nose and toss back to her. What a joy they were to behold. The world has never seen such a love."

"We will be breaking early today due to technical problems for the taped presentation of "Peny's Great Work". We tested the video today, and for some unexplained reason, it is blank. It is speculated that Peny's intense magical presence is wont to cause us a plethora of technical failures. We are so grateful to her for giving us these little nudges to keep us aware of her presence. Take care on your way out, there have been several instances of Peny's nudges sending visitors hurling through the air, but that only happens to those spiritual lightweights who can't handle her very special power."

"Thank you for visiting this special oasis of enlightenment, and monument to the Most Powerful Magician in the Universe." You will of course go away filled with gratitude for these special moments, all provided with much love for the insignificant fee of $500.

Postcards and souvenirs are available in Jach's bedroom over there in the outhouse. You may wear your shoes there, and smoking is encouraged.

An ample supply of toilet rolls should be available in Jach's top dresser drawer, please be sure to flush before you leave, because Jach finds it very disconcerting to awaken from trance to find his toilet bowl overflowing with foreign matter that wasn't there when he closed his eyes.

Katie

Here are a couple of definitions I came up with :

Magick: What happens to C:S's bank account every time someone attends a seminar or buys a C:S product

Martyr: What happens to anyone who attends a seminar or buys a C:S product

Shame: What C:S felt when they misjudged the market demand for this topic

33 Second Technique: The amount of honest work C:S can get by with each day

Lemuria: The land that Jach's imagination didn't forget to milk into a series of intensives

Objective Channel: A description of a phenomena that will cause people to drop their discernment

Crystal Ceremony: Jach's chance to get physically intimate

Magic Time: The mixture of a little psychic ability with a lot of unverifiable potentially harmful myths. Also, sometimes used as a means to control.

Meditation: see Hypnosis

Love: A word that if said often enough to a listener will spiritually hook them so that they become a consistent source of revenue

Processing and Programming: The only legitimate work performed at C:S (Processing credit cards and Programming their computers to crash at uncomfortable times and delete objectionable posts to their forum).

Cheers, Craig

A belated welcome!

You said: They e-mailed back to say that they didn't have my name on their mailing list...

I guess they were too cheap to keep sending you information about their latest and greatest product since you didn't seem to be generating any revenue lately.

With the inevitable drop in the customer base that will happen in the upcoming months (assuming they even keep this schtick going that long), I wonder if they will have to resort to infomercials. I can hear it now...get the "Negative Ego" tape. It will teach you to slice, dice, and chop up any adversary. And if you order within the next 10 minutes, we'll throw in a free copy of "Shame XXVIII, the Impact of Orion".

You said: I think we're talking major fraud going across state lines which has nasty federal implications.

Do we have any great legal minds out there that know if they are vulnerable? My bet is they have done their very best to protect themselves.

quote:

---

As I side note, I just realized the difference between a friend of Lazaris and someone who has reclaimed their own spirituality (a cosmic fool). A cosmic fool has had the "Oh!" realization about Lazaris. Thus, putting another "O" (for Oh) in "FOL", we now have "FOOL".
This is priceless and I do agree.

---

This is priceless, and right up there with "Lava and Peas" and "Fools go where Angels fear to tread".

We have a lot of cool humor here, but that's the calling card of a FOOL isn't it?

Glad you liked the link. I think it's so damned funny that I'm paraphrasing some of it as an invocation for Peny.

The appointed Priest reads each sentence aloud, and the Celebrants repeat
it after him.

"I invocate and conjure thee, o ye blasphemous toad Peny and Michaell Norht!
Long have ye taunted us from beyond the grave, meddling with the brains
of acid messiahs and politicians, smirking at us from behind your silly Atlantinean hats! I command you to appear before us now, if you're the great
magician they say you are! Being armed with the power of beer and
cigarettes I command it!!!"

(pause for a minute)
"O worm-eaten necromancers, hear me. A sadistic game you have played with
your disciples long enough. You lure the curious down halls of Peny North statues and altars at every turn, only to lead the
travellers to a mirror at the end of the path, and they realize their god
was themselves all the time. BUT BY THAT TIME THEY'VE BOUGHT ALL YOUR BOOKS, TAPES AND SEMINARS!!. Thou art slick advertisers selling bottled air."

"I invoke you by your names: To Mega Therion! Perdurabo! Baphomet! The
Beast 666! Fo-Hi! Count Alexander Svareff! Chiao Khan! Alys! etc. Come
thou forthwith, without delay, from any and all parts of the world thou
mayest be, and make rational answers unto all things that we shall demand
of thee, for thou art conjured up by the name of the living and true god
Xerox!"

Hey Susan, we're always glad to share a belly laugh. Definitely pull out those hoo has.

All the rest of you readers, do check out that link, it's hysterical and a treat for the soul of a cult buster.

Katie

For the time and trouble you put into this site, for the benefit of those looking for answers when the questions about Lazaris and Con Sin became too hard to ignore--much, much appreciation. What happened here made a difference in my life--thank you for that.

Here are my final (and may I say) deeply profound thoughts on what the Lazarian experience has ultimately come to mean to me, in all its complex, spiritually sophisticated glory.

That Egg The Ham

That Laz I am
that Laz I am
I do not like
that Egg the ham!

I do not like the causal plane
I *will* not spin a disc again
I do not like the imaginal realm
I will not, will not edit the film!

Do you like that Egg the ham?
I do not like you, Laz I am

I do not like that enneagram
(You're a four--I am? I am?)
I do not like those Crystal Sheeple!
(why are there no Village People?)

Do you like that Egg the ham?
I do not like you, Laz I am!

I do not like you in my house
(your ball of light I gladly douse)
I do not like you on a tape
(there's much more wisdom in an ape)
I do not like you in a book
(where's all the money that you took?)
I do not like you in my brain
oh once again, let me explain--
I do not like you here or there
I do not like you anywhere!

Time to leave, time to go!
(ham and eggs turn bad you know)
It's been real, it's been fun
(Say hello to the Brightest One!)
But one more thing--then off you breeze
spell for me (real spelling, please)
these two words you used alot:
"integrity" (and with that, "not".)

dr. flo

Just to show waht a good student of Lazaris I was: There are 7 steps to a process and 4 components in a structure

Step 1. Listen to tape
Step 2. Get brainwashed
Step 3. Spend money on tapes and seminars
Step 4. Blame yourself when the techniques don't work
Step 5. Spend even more money on tape and seminars (Steps 3 and 5 always correlate)
Step 6. Develop elaborate rationalizations for the material that even Jach couldn't think of (relates to Step 2)
Step 7. Re-listen to tapes. You must have missed something. (relates to Step 1)

Components of C:S Structure:
1) Saviourism
2) Arrogance
3) Greed
4) Deceit

If you want to get the involvement of the Higher Council, I ask that you let me know the schedule for their consultation ASAP. I have recently appointed myself as the scheduling administrator, reporting to the Grand Pooh Bah themselves. I'm quite sure you can appreciate how busy these beings are, never having what we call time to deal with anything, but somehow dealing with it anyway. Truly an amazing process to watch, I am honored that they have given me such an important task. Certainly, with their presence being so near and frequent, something important will rub off and I can become Moore.

Darn, I'm glad to hear of your new appointment.

Would you ask those guys if any of them happen to know what happened to my free Ginsu Knife set that I was supposed to get for acting now when I ordered my E-Zee Wrap 1000 on the special toll-free number?

I've been calling Ronco for weeks now, and no one there seems to know, so I thought maybe you could appeal on my behalf to the Grand Poo Bah.

(I don't know who they are, but they sound important and smart)

Thanks and congratulations!!

I am getting really distressed at the absence of a response to my previous post. I cannot imagine what is more important than getting on the calendar of the High Council so they have adequate time to consider what you would like them to rule on. Obviously, your absence of a response is an indication of disrespect for my position in this matter which I consider both a personal affront and, representing the High Council (I have recently been informed that I now have a new title, Scheduling Assistant (SASS for short)), in recognition of the job I have been doing in keeping things on time where none exists, an impossible job but one I gladly step into as the influence of the High Council is so rewarding as I cannot describe it.

Since you OBVIOUSLY do not take me or my responsibility seriously, I ask that you take the brief moment to inform Latrinis of your intentions. While I consider this to be a very circuitous path, I will attempt to connect with Latrinis through my Higher Serf, assuming I can get past Captain Blye and his leutenants who blindly follow his command without thinking about what they are doing. I digress, apologize, and ask your understanding of the burden I carry with both the responsibility of my position and those I must deal with on an ongoing basis who have no understanding of the importance of what I am doing. Such is my burden, I am sorry to impose it upon you but I needed someone to talk to and you happened to be there.

Anyway, back to business, let Latrinis know and I'll take responsibility to try to get the answer the High Council is expecting. Should this path fail, I will be back to make other arrangements. As I stated, this path is fraught with peril.

Katie,

I appreciate the congrats, but they are now out of date as I've moved on (see above). I will refer your request to the appropriate department when I get time, but my new responsibilities require me to focus on what I need to do and I don't have time to deal with your issue, what might seem important to you but has little to do with the grand scheme of things that have been revealed to me. I hope you will understand that no disrrespect is intended, but I am so busy with things I don't have time to THINK!

quote:

---

, but I am so busy with things I don't have time to THINK!

---

Well, now I know for sure your mission is important. If you had time to THINK, it would be proof positive that you were on a "fool's errand".

After all, the grander the Pooh Bah, the less the need for THOUGHT.

I believe that Ted is having a picnic with Latrinas and Mimi on the Caustic Plane. Picnicing with Mimi is no matter to be taken lightly. No one leaves until she's had her last twinkie.

I will attempt to send a psychic vibration to Ted's Cosmo Pager, but he may have it turned off lest it disrupt Mimi's delicate digestion.

Be Brave Chuck, and remember, Time is an Illusion.

Katie

Latrinis told me to tell you to get out of negative ego and into your adult. He said you tried to contact him, and got past Captain Blye, but you couldn't get past Robert Bly, who told you to work on your shadow (it's an imperative on the spiritual path, you know)...

Cheers, Ted

I am in total depression. The grand Pooh Bah has informed me that my position has been eliminated since I was getting in the way. So Ted, I am afraid you are on your own with respect to engaging the High Council. And Katie, I find I have lost my connection of influence, so I will not be able to get the help you requested tracking down your knife set. My story follows:

Ted, the story Latrinis relayed to you is correct. I was able to sneak past the Captain and bumped into the entity you named as Robert Bly (I was not aware of the name until you passed it along from Latrinis). The entity was most wise and gave me the message to work on my shadow, exactly as Latrinis relayed to you. You have to feel so powerful having such a close relationship with such an awesome entity as Latrinis - I know I did when working with GPB. But I digress.

I awoke from my unsuccessful journey to meet Latrinis and went to work immediately on finding my shadow. As it was dark, this was not an easy task. I went to the light and found my shadow. When I moved, the shadow didn't. Something was definitely wrong!

Suddenly I was filled with light and my shadow disappeared. GPB had arrived, bringing me the message that my services would no longer be needed because my position had been eliminated and I was getting in the way of progress by others. I was crushed, robbed of my power in an instant which seemed an eternity. As GPB left, the light that had filled me went with them, my shadow returned, darker than before and still not following my lead.

Frightened and disheartened, I went to my crystal room and set up a grid according to the wisdom of Merlin. I grabbed my Lemuria (via Madagascar) transmitter / receiver and waited for a message. Nothing. I waited longer, nada. Nothing was working!

In search of what I was doing wrong, I did a 33 Second meditation (I timed it with a stop watch, so I know it was exactly so). There I found I was in negative ego - EXACTLY AS LATRINIS STATED!

Latrinis is so knowing. Ted, if I might impose, would you ask Latrinis a question for me and pass along the answer you recive?

Where's my Adult? I don't think I've been there yet, so I wouldn't know how to begin to find it or recognize it if I stumbled across it.

Thanks, I look forward to your response as it gives me hope.

Think of the legal precedent caused by having an entity on the stand. LOL.

I can here the defense attorney now: "Objection your honor, my esteemed colleague is clearly in negative ego".

Seriously, I hope we do something.

Yes it would be quite a scene in court. Just laying out the ground rules! Your Honour..."You create your own reality." "You know we don't have to learn this way!" and "Do you understand that we are simply here to have fun and create success?"

Would shooting down Jach from his spiritual 'plane' be referred to as hi-jaching?

Cult-busters who enjoy poetic justice will get a kick out of this...

Back when I was a psychic prisoner in the J&L Forum, I created a web-page which calculates which archetypes are associated with a birthday, name, etc. Dagaz just reminded me of it. One can put in one's birthday, name, or potential spelling of one's name and see what numbers and archetypes are associated with it.

The site is at http://www.cosmicfool.com/archtype.html

When we created this site, I added a link to this site from the archetype page, heh heh! I posted a link to the archetype page in the J&L Forum a few months before we were kicked out. Peny said it was "kewl". At least one of our earliest and most prolific posters told us that she found our site through the archetype site.

So there is an indirect link in the J&L Forum to this site! I held off on making this public, knowing that C:S would delete the link if they found out. But I feel that we've gotten enough traffic since then to relinquish that little Trojan Horse. Plus the post is so old, I doubt that many people have seen it recently. And this is too good not to share!

Jach claims that they use their intuition to decide if someone is "appropriate" to join their little Forum club. But neither Jach's intuition nor Lazaris told them of the link to the enemy that was on their own site!

"What the hell is that dang deal?"

"I don't know - looks like a disembodied orb."

"A what?"

"I thank it's that LAZaris feller."

"Laz who?"

"I dunno, some NEW age thang."

"But what the hell is it?"

"Dang if I know."

"Don't give your soul to it."

"Wait - I know what it is... What the hell is it?"

"Take a picture of me with it."

"It won't show up on film - it's like a ghost or some such thang."

"Gimme your shotgun!"

"I don' know - could be bad karma or sumpin'."

"Whatever it is, it shur is ugly."

"I ain't never seen nothin' lak it."

"What the hell is it..."

Just know that our heads are going to blow off momentarily, or something equally devastating and dramatic. Or so claims Scientology about the POWER of that information in UNCLEAR minds.

I Katie Dean, being of sound mind, hereby leave all my Lazaris tapes, books, notebooks, talismans and crystal skulls to
Audrey and Steve, to be divided between them in what ever manner they choose, hair pulling, not allowed, mud wrestling is ok.

Should Steve and Audrey's heads also go "pop" in the night, I leave all that stuff to the Judean People's Liberation Front, or is it the People's Liberation Front of Judea? Oh hell, leave it to the Pink Panthers. Oh. that's the Grey Panthers. Crap. Find some very absurd political group and give them my shit.

Ted gets to keep the pillow where I nightly lay my wittle head. (sorry about the drool honey)

Jade