Latrinis

Tapes by Latrinis

The Wonder And Power Of Love Bombing: On this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis says that, "God is Love, and You are God, and God is beautiful, and you are beautiful and Love is real and you are real I am the Walrus, koo-koo-ka-choo".
The Magick of Deception: This is a most powerful and seminal tape. Latrinis discusses how to deceive your friends, spouse, employer, the government. This is it. Once you have mastered the information on this tape you will be all-powerful.
The Power of Deception: Ok, so we missed a few points about deception on the "Magick of Deception" tape. This is the one. Yeah, that's it. After this tape you will truly be all-powerful.
The Wonder of Deception: Right. Well, it seems that you people are so stupid, we need to put out yet another tape on deception. This one for sure will do the job.
The Beauty of Deception: OK, now that you have finally gotten the Magick, Power and Wonder of Deception, you may be wondering why your life is still f**cked up. Well, that's because you haven't dealt with the Beauty of Deception. On this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis explains how one can deceive oneself and others into believing that Mimi is beautiful.
Stopping Dissent In It's Tracks: It's really a pain in the butt to have inferior people disagree with us. Latrinis is here to help by explaining how to stop people from dissing you. Contains a beautiful and powerful hypnos... uh, meditation.
Tying Your Own Shoes: The Skill: Most of us think we are quite capable of tying our own shoes. Well, think again! Latrinis explains how we inhibit our growth by not tying our shoes properly. How many times have you tripped over your shoelaces, even after all the processing and programming you have done? It's not because you are bad or wrong. It's because you are an idiot. Latrinis have never been held back by the tedium of tying shoes, and therefore can help us gain an unprecidented understanding of the subtleties of proper shoe tying.
Tying Your Own Shoes: The Art: You probably thought you had shoe tying sussed after listening to the Skill of Tying Your Shoes seven times and clearing away a multitude of blockages. Well, you may have learned the skill, but Latrinis is here now to teach you the art of shoe-tying. You have long since moved beyond being an idiot. Now you are a soulless moron. Allow the Magick of Latrinis' mind-control techniques to convince you that you are better than everyone except for the Gangsters.
The Indescribable Power Of Character Assassination: Sometimes, in spite of all the wonderful deception and love-bombing, some schmuck still tries to hold you accountable for your actions. What can you do? In this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis describes the awesome power of assassinating your enemy's character. This technique has been used by dictators and cult-leaders for millennia to great effect. Allow Latrinis to show you the Character Assassination Mill, the Lagoon of Destroyed Reputations and the House of Ill-Repute.
The Wonder Of Sycophancy: On this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis describes how you can control the controllers by sucking up to them and using their inflated ego against them. In the Old Age, many were well-practiced in the art of brown-nosing. But good, old-fashioned brown-nosing sometimes isn't enough. We need to move to the next level of brown-nosing with Latrinis' trademarked "Leveraged Sycophancy". With this new level, one is able to suck up while appearing to be spirityal. One can flatter while continuing to feel better-than. This is a powerful and seminal tape - oh, right, we already said that...
Self-Deprecation: We have watched with wonder the elegance with which Rodney Dangerfield bears his soul. We cannot fathom that we could ever be so unworthy of respect. But Latrinis explains in great detail why none of us deserves to be respected. Latrinis is joined on this tape by Mimi, who can make even the greatest of accomplishments seem trivial. The one-two punch of Latrinis and Mimi will make you wonder why you ever felt good about yourself.
The Fallacy of Success: Many teachers in the human potential movement pride themselves on the efficacy of their success seminars. But do we really want to be successful? Successful people act as lightning rods for the scum of the Earth with their petty jealousies and criticisms. Latrinis teaches us how we can be utter failures, the envy of no one.
Ending Flatulence: The bowels were meant to serve us, to help us eliminate undesirable elements from our systems. But we overwhelmed our digestive systems and forced them to handle situations that they were not designed to handle, such as excess beer and Mexican food. It is time now to make peace with our bowels. We can lovingly bring our digestive system back into compliance if we are but willing.
Ending Flatulence II: The Adolescent Years: As infants, we learned that we could get the attention of our mothers by developing intestinal gas. This worked fine until we were 3 or 4 years old. Then we were expected to burp ourselves. In order to survive, we shifted the gas from the upper digestive tract to the lower digestive tract. We didn't do that because we are bad or wrong. We did it because we are pigs. On this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis discusses the role of testosterone and pizza in causing our bowels to go negative.
Ending Flatulence III: The Adult Years: As an adolescent, we could be excused for our outbursts. But as we become adults, Society casts judgments on our loud and odoriferous behavior. We learn to suppress our urges. The pain can become unbearable at times. So we turn to Tums and Rolaids. But these don't satisfy us. We blame those around us who will not let us express ourselves. What can we do? On this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis takes us on a journey to discover our personal Wind Tunnel where the causes and effects of flatulence are linked together.
Stop Feeling Like An Asshole: Just because you are an asshole, doesn't mean you need to feel like an asshole. On this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis explains in simple language that even you can understand that even assholes can have a harem of sycophants surrounding them.

The Frivolous Vortex: The Sirius Vortex opened a few years ago and we all expected unprecedented miracles. Of course they didn't happen, because Lazaris is full of excrement. But the Frivolous Vortex, due to open again on February 29, 2003, will provide the world with more humor than has ever been known. The Frivolous Vortex has not opened for 30,000 light years. (Yes, we know a light year is a measure of distance, not time, but time and space are both illusions. Since they are both illusions, they are the same thing, so the same measures can be used for each. And don't claim that Lazaris' logic was more sound.)
We can use the energy of the Vortex to amuse ourselves at the expense of Lazaris and Jach. Doing so releases certain chemicals in our brain which correspond with our Eternal Heritage and hastens our Journey Home - wherever the hell that may be.
Getting Away With Murder: You've stashed the evidence. You've assassinated your enemy's character. But there are still those who would hold you accountable. On this monumental tape, Latrinis provides many powerful techniques for getting over, including the Race Card technique, the "I forgot" technique, the "depends on the meaning of 'is' technique", and the most powerful technique to date, the expensive lawyer technique. Don't let the bastards get you down! As a powerful magician, you deserve to be free of the moral and legal restrictions imposed upon the weak masses.
Unstoppable Mediocrity: We have all experienced mediocrity for short periods of time. We relish those experiences. But, sooner or later, we accidentally encounter a success. This can be frightening, as we know we are too stupid and ineffectual to have created the success ourselves. How can we prevent these annoying successes from happening? You guessed it - Latrinis has a tape. On this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis discusses the benefits of mediocrity and the hurdles which stand in our way, such as humility, gratitude and intelligence.
Being Groovy: Most in the Consecutive Reality gave up on being groovy in the early 1970's. Some, most notably in California, are attempting to keep the dream alive. They try to keep it alive by refusing to bathe or work. Latrinis warns against such adolescent attempts at being groovy. To really "get in the groove", one must, like, dig righteous music, man, and, like, go with the flow. On this powerful and seminal tape, Latrinis invokes the spirit of Maynard G. Krebs. If you're not old enough to remember Maynard, then you are doomed to being ungroovy forever.
Utilizing the Gullibility of Others: Latrinis admits to getting the idea for this tape from Lazaris. There is much money and fame within the wrinkles of Massive Gullibility. This monumental tape examines the pitfalls of underestimating the gullibility of others, while suggesting techniques to harness this gullibility. Contains a beautiful and manipulative meditation.