I wanted to share this with you all:

"It's been said that you can trap a monkey by placing a shiny trinket in a jar tied to a tree. The jar opening must be large enough for the monkey to put his hand in, but small enough that he can't remove it after closing his fist around the bait. We are people who have reached into the jar, been trapped there, and ultimately walked away with the trinket by breaking the jar that trapped us."

I contacted the webmaster of that site and asked him how his life had been impacted by running it. He told me that he had inherited the site from another who had since moved on, that for 2 years the site was a primary focus of his life, that he had met many wonderful people, including his new wife. What struck me the most was that he told me that he was just now realizing that he was finished with the site, and looking for someone else to take it over. He said he was sick of the name of the "Guru" the site was about, and tired of talking about him, ready to never hear his name again.

That inspired me, because I saw that by putting his heart and soul into exposing the "Guru" and providing a place for others to vent and heal, he himself had healed and was ready to move on.

I haven't reached the point of wanting to move on yet, I'm still in the zealous mode of wanting to put as much time and energy as I can into this site. I'm here, like he was, meeting wonderful people, and establishing relationships, some which may end up lasting a lifetime. But, I know that for most if not all of us, there will come the time to move on. I rejoice in knowing that we will someday sooner or later, take our shiny baubles and go, and that maybe others will come along who are ready to break the jar too.

Right now, I'm holding on tightly to the bauble of this amazing energy here, and the love and sharing that is taking place. That is not in a jar, it is freely given and received.

This site, and all who participate here mean so much to me.

Ted and I are both a bit fluish and low energy, it's been a busy day in many ways, but I wanted to check in and share that with my fellow "monkeys".

Lots of love,

Cheers to you, Katie, for letting everyone know what really inspired you and Ted to create this site. I'm sure that for the many lurkers, they've assumed it is for "revenge?" I'm sure as hell that's what C:S wants them to believe. Now, just as hopefully they will at least "consider"(if they read that far) that this is a positive step in the healing process of having been so "abused and character assassinated" in the forum that we all knew and loved because we believed it brought us closer to Lazaris, but is where we trashed and twisted our own souls in trying to "agree" that we were the pieces of crap "they," (the gang) clearly insinuated that we were.

This I find is a place to release the hurt and anger from the many "kicks in the head" to the many sincere, loving people who wrote vulnerably and honestly in that forum, and who now write here. Boy, when someone was down, they kicked harder and harder..it was bloody, devastation of human beings and their souls. (Didn't Lazaris refer to Hitler's rampage as "Negative ego run rampant?" Maybe the gas chambers were more humane? :-( ) At any rate, this demolition was done out of "love" and "respectfully" according to the ones who did it!!! Yeah, just like the Inquisition was done in the name of the Lord and all that is good. Pathetic!!!!

One thing that I dont' think has been stated strongly enough is that "Each and Every One of Us "here" LOVED LAZARIS with our WHOLE hearts!!!!!!!!!!" Get THAT through your heads, Lurkers!!!!!!!!

Though some lurking may not agree with what has been said or the way it's been said, they'd do well for themselves to remember that we loved just as strongly as they do now and realize that this is a release of the anger that IS equal to the love and trust we all felt. I agree with all who have written but right now Jeremiah comes to mind...the RAGE is justified...Also, the RAGE is painful...you lurkers who think this is a game of jealousy, envy, and rage coming out as revenge, Think Again if you have the nerve.

YEP, it's ugly isn't it? Well, I know first-hand the ugliness of being character assassinated in that forum, insulted, abused, ridiculed, ha..ridiculed in the third person right in front of loved ones and how I foolishly tried to make "them" right, because they knew Lazaris, and I didn't want to offend Lazaris by offending those so close to him. Oh my f...ing word! I also didn't want to put out that negativity in a forum of his name.(martyr, martyr, martyr..LOL) But love was its' bottom line, because I firmly believed that Lazaris had his energy in that forum. And remember, I LOVED Lazaris with every part of my being.......

I'm not saying I was right in how I handled my own situation, but I damn well didn't deserve to be treated like that, and No One ever did!!!

Any negative energy the lurkers may feel reading here should know that it is the release of that UGLY, NEGATIVE PAIN.....that's the negativity you feel, People, because you know that those who have written here are telling the truth. You owe it to yourselves to read, remember, and make your own decision based on your own observations, experiences, knowledge, and inner knowing. Some things cannot be denied any longer nor can they continue to be twisted to the way we would like them to be.

Peny and Jach and the others are not poor things and are strong enough in their own egos to "get as good as they gave."

The forum does indeed use "cult methods." Maybe the main method is convincing you that you're never good enough...maybe it's putting out the fear that you better never question the leader...Katie and Ted had the audacity to question Peny and forced her to "sit at her computer with tears running down her face because she didn't know that Katie hated her so much"....what manipulation and BS!!! If you were there, you know what I'm talking about. What a sick, pathetic, manipulative joke that was........just one "cult tactic" my friends.

And look at what questioning did for them...they were sorely character assassinated and now you can't even find the many threads to see for yourself that Katie may have written all of "five" posts to Peny that were answered by "many." Another sick, pathetic, manipulative joke "cult tactic"...

Katie, you and Ted have put yourselves on the line with this space, never being sure where it would lead or what adversities you might encounter because of it. I KNOW what you and Ted went through...I KNOW the many tears you both shed.....Bless you, dear Friends, for your courage and integrity...I love you very, very much.

Marilyn

What a terrific post. I don't see how anyone could read all these posts and not figure that something is very wrong. There is nothing about Peny and Jach to be jealous of, but plenty to be angry about. Once you realize what's going on, not being angry about it isn't healthy. Also, I too truly appreciate Ted and Katie's courage for running this site.
And the courage of everyone posting for questioning soemthing that had become so fundamental to their lives.

You are so right about everyone having the courage to post here...

My admiration just grows and I honor and appreciate you all, each and every one!!!

Thank you.

Love,

You are one awesome lady. My deepest respect to you.

Love,
Demian DreamSinger

To borrow a quote from someone we all know and loved:

"The magic is in the telling."

The turning point for me was my experience in the forum, either as direct involvement or as witness. Never have I seen people treated with such disrespect and I sure as hell wasn't prepared for "Lazaris" people to behave so abhorantly. Now that was "crazy-making!"

I'm not a person who talks "love-love-lovey" but I sure don't treat people as worthless, useless, less-than-human beings. It was a game the "gang" thrived on and enjoyed to the fullest, I'm sure, belly-laughing at other peoples expense.

Are "they" the ones who have been hypnotized??? Is it possible that being aware of the influence they had that they would actually "choose" to behave so abominably towards fellow human beings, belittling their very existance...knowingly cause them to doubt their own worth and value??? It didn't have to be that way.

Peny declared "war" after Katie asked her to "stick to the facts." "Shields up!" she warned those reading. My God, what panic seemed to arise after that...every five minutes there were five, maybe ten new posts, mostly from the "gang" demeaning Katie and Ted, but also from others who love Lazaris so.

Katie directly questioned Peny so it was "war." Peny toyed with peoples minds and loyalties to Lazaris, demanding that they arm themselves against Katie's demand for the truth. How I wish people could go back and read those threads....people were responding to posts written by the "gang"....not to what Katie and Ted actually said. These many posts were a "distraction," as they only demeaned Katie & Ted without addressing anything they really said.

What I've come to realize is that one of the reasons people continue to hold Peny in such high esteem, besides being Lazaris' favored one, is that these people are projecting their very own beauty and integrity onto her. It's not in their realm of belief that Lazaris could love someone who is so mean and despicable, and they'd prefer to have something wrong within themselves. Damn, it didn't have to be this way.

With what I've learned over the years about energy, I realize that it's our personal "choice" as to how we express that energy every second. That energy is abundant and right there for the taking. We "choose" to be decent, honorable, and loving OR we "choose" to be nasty, negative, and dishonorable. It's a moment by moment "personal choice." And there really isn't any God/Goddess/All That Is to "perform" for except the God/Goddess/All That Is that we consciously create and become. And there IS a God/Goddess/All That Is that we've created together and IS real. (God, that is hard to put into words.) I think it's out of our own self-respect as to how we "choose" to express the energy that we are. And there we go, our beliefs do create our reality...but Lazaris is NOT the first or only one to ever say so.

That would explain why there is such an instability to Peny and the others. I've seen them exaggeratedly "pukingly sweet" and "despicably rotten." They constantly "choose" and play a game...In my honest opinion, "they" are personifying Negative Ego simply because they want to.... that is "their" choice. Just as it is our "choice" at any time to be honorable or loving or whatever, and theirs as well.

Demian, why ever did I get off on such a tangent here? lol The truth is these thoughts have been on my mind a lot lately, and I "CHOOSE" with conscious joy to be in this energy....it is positive, sincere, loving, honest, and honorable.

It took awhile for me to get the nerve to post, but I followed your leads. You have all been an inspiration to me in courage and truth, and the sincere seeking of more truth.
You are the AWESOME ones.....:-)

Love,

Marilyn

Don't keep fooling yourselves that the organization which you consider yourselves to be a part of is not a controlling cult, just because you are not living all together drinking Kool-aid in a jungle, or among stashes of explosives and firearms in some abandoned farmhouse. The leaders of this particular cult want to live in luxury and don't really give a damn how YOU live.

This cult targets people with exceptional abilities to think abstractly and profoundly who have not yet, for one reason or another or many, had the support needed to fully realize their considerable potential, yet remain loving, ethical AND ambitious enough to keep alive the hope of doing so.

The cult's M.O. is to purport to be able to provide ALL the support these people need and have been missing, keep them out earning $$$ by whatever means, and then siphoning the $$$ from them on goods and services that they purport will provide ... yes ... the support these people need and have been missing. This keeps them out earning more $$$ so they can get more of the goods and services that supposedly will give these people the support they need and ... on and on.

With this little plan in motion, everything works out beautifully. The cult leaders get to live in luxury...and YOU get to keep earning $$$ so you can keep getting the goods and services that you believe will give you the support that you feel that you need and have been missing!

Mmmm.

Of course, it makes the cult leaders VERRRY uncomfortable when they see people within this organization providing EACH OTHER with REAL support (& love) or when they see a person who TRULY has found strength within him/herself. This is not in keeping with the plan's development and management. So, to continue as before, the organization has to make sure that the people who have been lured in are kept in confusion, fear and distrust. That way ... no one truly bonds with anyone else, and no one has the energy, or clarity to find any inner strength.

Except...sometimes it happens anyway.

Don't dismiss this as absurd. One symptom of "denial", is refusal to listen to anything that threatens a delicate sense of reality.

So, if you hear a little voice inside whispering to you "Something is not right ...", don't shoo it away. Don't try desperately to hold on to the illusion. The delusion. Step OVER the fear of abandonment and have the courage to be honest with yourself. Silence the advice and guidance coming from those who are not totally honest with you.

Read what is written at this site. Go to the recommended "cult" websites. Listen. Research for yourself. Take responsibility for your own spirituality. Take your power back.

You are not alone and, yes, dear Magician, you never will be. Having a mind and will of your own again will not disconnect you from the truth. It will REconnect you.

It will reconnect you with God/Goddess/AllThatIs, and with ALL of your Unseen Friends. And with that part of your inner emotional and psychic environment that you may have allowed to be named a certain name beginning with the letter "L." The part of your spiritual reality that is the unconditionally loving friend, with a separate identity but a consciousness as expansive as you in your Higher Self. But this "L" is here to love and support you and does not favor someone over you because of this person's supposed brilliance and importance in ancient cultures that may or may not have ever existed on this planet. This "L" has been with you through all of your quest to come home to your true self, on all of the many paths that you have travelled on this quest. And this "L" cannot be channeled by anybody else, or taken away from you, because they are an integral part of who you were, are, and always will be. And a part that you have come to recognize and know because of this experience.

I now do not regret the time that I spent loving and experiencing "L" as they were presented within the context of the organization we all know. Since I have reclaimed my inner power, and stepped away from the idea that ANYONE else has any spiritual authority over me, my life has begun to blossom. The role that "L" played within my consciousness began to manifest in my "illusion" reality, instantly. First I met amazing, beautiful, dear, people through this discussion site. Then I began to notice that in other areas of my life, including areas that had previously been defensively walled off, wonderful, loving people were appearing. None of these new friends have claimed to have all the answers in the Universe(s) (in fact one keeps saying out and out that she is "not God"), but all together "they" fill up that part of my emotional environment— which used to be reserved for "L"—with goodness, kindness, light and love. It is quite mysterious how these things work.

I wish you freedom and the joy that comes with it.

Awesome post, just f*cking awesome..

Thanks,

Welcome, its very good to see you posting.

you wrote:

[[Peny declared "war" after Katie asked her to "stick to the facts." "Shields up!" she warned those reading. My God, what panic seemed to arise after that...every five minutes there were five, maybe ten new posts, mostly from the "gang" demeaning Katie and Ted, but also from others who love Lazaris so]]

Wasn't that ridiculous?? Peny and I were emailing each other privately during that time almost every day. When she wrote that post about "shields up", I just about fell over laughing.

I even sent her an email saying :"Whats up with you and the shields?..what? are you on f*ucking star trek? ? sounds over the top"

I meant it to joke her out of talking like a complete lunatic and she wrote back talking about how if I knew all the evil plots Ted and Katie had against her, I wouldn't think it was over the top. I am starting to think she is genuinely deluded, of course thats just my opinion.

She even told me she had a "spy".. how pathetic is that?

you wrote:

[[Though some lurking may not agree with what has been said or the way it's been said, they'd do well for themselves to remember that we loved just as strongly as they do now and realize that this is a release of the anger that IS equal to the love and trust we all felt. I agree with all who have written but right now Jeremiah comes to mind...the RAGE is justified...Also, the RAGE is painful...you lurkers who think this is a game of jealousy, envy, and rage coming out as revenge, Think Again if you have the nerve.]]

Yeah the rage is justified and appropriate.

I have been very critical of Jach and Peny in my opinions about them and that may ruffle some people but lets remember Jach Peny Lazaris and Michaell North are people who are public figures, quite famous and they have made extravagent claims about themselves and their abilities.

Considering the wreckage this tawdry bunch has left in their wake, it astounds me anyone would leap to their defense even instinctively. But I did it myself so I know that it happens and I understand how it happens.

Another thing about that sheild comment of Penys. I remember telling her that it didn't make sense to give a whole lot of credence to what Katie and Ted might be doing because as Lazaris always taught "Negativity is weak"

She never responded to that.

Cheers,

Looking back on my relationship with"Lazaris" and C:S, I'm really struck by how I allowed what was to be an aid to my spiritual growth become more and more like the intermediary priest of organized religion. "Lazaris" gained our trust and became our "authority. The structure and dynamic of the Lazaris Material conforms to what most of us wanted to avoid. The "Mapmakers" are the "Chosen" people to deliver and be delivered a New Age. There are internal Devils like negative ego, and external Devils like Orion creating fear and anxiety for which more tapes and information are needed to protect against the enemy. There is the Heaven of Lemurian redemption. And confessionals in "magic time" and phone consutations and even blendings. Then there's the God-like omniscience and omnipresence -- you can ask "Lazaris" to listen, love and protect you anywhere, any time. And guess who has the exclusive knowledge and tools (and crystals) to get us there/bring it here. All the tapes, books, videos, seminar notes that permeated my house -- even my car, even my calendar were a physical representations of how thoroughly my mind and spirit had become enmeshed with "Lazaris." Something I thought was giving me an edge in my growth, was actually a lot of dependant, addicting, guilt producing, workaholic, expensive, limiting baggage.

Now I feel lighter in every sense of the word. I feel closer to Myself. The direct connection is bringing me peace. Furthermore, it's much easier to be in my body and in relationship to the world without all the Lazaris "yama-yama" intervening and pulling on my thoughts and feelings.

In considering my own goals on this site, what I want is even more light. Cosmic Fool is like a lighthouse. A lot of what the light shines on makes me angry, sad and disgusted, but after 14 years of allowing myself to be blinded, I definitely owe myself however long I need to illuminate the situation. And to share my understanding and support with others, because this is a very challenging process. The rage and the pain (which some invisible visitors seem to be able to ignore) are not the point of being here, they are part of the process of clearing and literally deprogramming oneself.

Yes, Karolina we are taking our power back, and I too wish the liberation and joy that this brings to anyone who has lost the sense that they are their own authority.

Love,
Jade

F*cking BRAVO to you for that F*cking Fantastic post!!!!!!!!!!

(I loved the way you wrote that F*cking, Jeremiah...potent and gets to the heart of the meaning!:-))

Love and thanks,

Thanks for posting about the monkey trap. I think that's a really good metaphor. I think many are afraid that to give up "Lazaris" and Con:Sin is to give up the wisdom. I've heard of this monkey-trapping method before, but never thought about it beyond the idea that one must make a choice: to either remain trapped or lose the gems. As the Amish say, there are always more than two alternatives.

Welcome to the site! You came in with a bang[g]. Great post.

You wrote about people thinking we may be doing this for revenge. Well, I for one didn't need to wait for Lazaris to tell me that revenge is a bunch of crap. I haven't believed in it in a long time. I really don't care one way or the other if the Gang suffers. That's their karma to deal with or not.

You wrote: [[ I know first-hand the ugliness of being character assassinated in that forum, insulted, abused, ridiculed, ..ridiculed in the third person right in front of loved ones and how I foolishly tried
to make "them" right, because they knew Lazaris, and I didn't want to offend Lazaris by offending those so close to him. ...(martyr, martyr, martyr..LOL)]]

No, that's not martyrdom ("martyrhood" is a "Lazaris" word, not in the dictionary) - that's dedication and compassion. Those low-lifes used your character against you. Apparently they see character as a weakness to be exploited by their unbalanced egos ("negative ego" is another "Lazaris" concoction - using their terminology keeps us in the "box" IMO)

You wrote: [[Katie, you and Ted have put yourselves on the line with this space, never being sure where it would lead or what adversities you might encounter because of it. I KNOW what you and Ted went through...I KNOW the many tears you both shed.....Bless you, dear Friends, for your courage and integrity...I love you very, very
much]]

Thank you. And thank you for the loving support you provided throughout our recovery. You have/had more to lose than we did, so your participation is also a great act of courage. I love you, too.

Awesome post! Funny you should mention drinking Kool-aid in the jungle - one of our ex-friends wrote us to tell us how arrogant we were to think that we were the only two of 1400 people in the Forum to see what was going on. I asked if if she would rather dring Kool-aid at Guyana than have someone think she was arrogant[g]. Aren't Map-Makers supposed to be the ones who step out of the set?

It's nice to be here! Thanks for the welcome...:-) I do believe that I am "appropriately" releasing my anger for the negative impact they had on me. Of course I am believing that our posts are being read by them. Cheers to ya, Gang!!

[[[She even told me she had a "spy".. how pathetic is that?]]]

Why on earth would she need to have a "spy?"
Ted and Katie weren't hiding a thing...they were very open, honest, and direct about their feelings, and at that time still believed in Lazaris. "Spy???" (vomit)

I think the "spy" was the same one who did an about turn from "staunch liberal" to even "stauncher conservative" in all of five minutes!! I believe it's the same person you mentioned who learned the lingo and behaved like the "gang" but not as good so was bashed again and again. Will one never learn?????

[[[Wasn't that ridiculous?? Peny and I were emailing each other privately during that time almost every day. When she wrote that post about "shields up", I just about fell over laughing.]]]

That was un-F*cking believeble!!! I felt embarassed for her because IMO she made an utter fool of herself.

Able to write to you almost daily? All hands on deck??? Calling in the troops???

The RAGE IS justified...How about total OUTRAGE!!! (not enraged, mind you) I'm not losing any sleep over this nor am I chomping at the bit trying to figure out how to "get back at them."

[[[I have been very critical of Jach and Peny in my opinions about them and that may ruffle some people but lets remember Jach Peny Lazaris and Michaell North are people who are public figures, quite famous and they have made extravagent claims about themselves and their abilities.]]]

Yes, they are public figures. I recall reading "somewhere" we have been that it is OK to criticize public figures.:-) Wonder why they're creating this reality?? Could it be Martyrhood??? Bully??? Victim??? Oh my!!! Maybe they're all in "disintegration" of their enneagrams??? LOL

I understand how people jump to their defense, too. I've done it myself. In fact, I kept Jach separate from the "gang" for a very long time, even after his angry post to me. I defended Jach and Lazaris until not long ago.

I also remember at the Millenium when we were out on the patio that someone talked about Michaell bringing Lazaris to a marketing meeting to endorse some product..NOT our Lazaris...that was sooo menial. Heck, Katie and Ted were the "strongest" defenders and we didn't "allow" this nasty person to participate in our circle.

God, that was such a Sacred day and time for us. All I can do is shake my head in sadness when I remember what happened in April and what was said about our private celebration ritual.

[[[Another thing about that sheild comment of Penys. I remember telling her that it didn't make sense to give a whole lot of credence to what Katie and Ted might be doing because as Lazaris always taught "Negativity is weak"]]]

And she never responded....Maybe she had the "intuition" to know that her karma was knocking at her door. (I wouldn't want the minutest particle of that karma.)

Thanks for writing and sharing such illuminating facts, Jeremiah.

Love,

Marilyn

Yeah, with a BANG...and thank you for the welcome.

Balls to the Wall!! LOL I've got nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide. You have all inspired me and I realized that I could very well act on my own integrity. If these beautiful people could do it, well then, damn it, so could I.

[[[Thank you. And thank you for the loving support you provided throughout our recovery. You have/had more to lose than we did, so your participation is also a great act of courage. I love you, too.]]]

THAT was a hell of a painful time...I'll not forget and I love you.

Marilyn

Yes, it's amazing how exactly the thing that made C/S seem so appealing for many of us—L's supposed understanding of the spirituality of human being's as a SPECIES rather than limited to the spirituality of ethnic or cultural groups or religious philosophies and practices—turned bogus. We were dragged, unaware and hypnotized, into a newly formed cultural group, with its own religious philosophies and practices. Which also was very isolating from the rest of the world's spirituality (for the true L. believer)—— which is full of people either still stuck in or trying to update the old ethnic, cultural or religious philosophies and worship/lifestyle practices OR individuals trying to understand human spirituality as a whole for themselves and basking in the freedom to explore that the "New Age" offered.

This was glossed over and we were distracted by the ego-strokes of being "the Map Makers who are destined to LEAD the rest of the World into the new New Age." Well. Let me tell you. If the New World is supposed to be anything like that org or their Forum, I don't have the meanness in my being it would take to want to lead anyone into it. Yeah. I would rather just do my own work, believing that I am doing my bit in helping to create a beautiful New World through my earnest desire to do so.

I agree with you that this site is like a lighthouse——at least it has been so for me. Deprogramming can be a very unpleasant experience, and at times quite devastating, but going through it with the support that these threads offer and the responses that posting here brings, from people that understand the process and the nuances of the org and it's leaders, have made it go much faster and with so much less anxiety for me. I could see where my ship was supposed to be sailing, and I was no longer lost in the night in the storm!

I'm so glad that you found a place to heal and regain a realistic perspective here too.

Love,
Karolina

[This message has been edited by Karolina (edited 02-05-2001).]

Thanks for your f*cking awesome response to the post!

dolfingirl

Hi Mom . I've been searching for your posts and I guess I just found them. I'll talk to you later. Vicki

ROTFLOL.....swearing a lot???? Moi???

Love, Mom